death

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Accepting the Unacceptable: Task I

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Accepting the Unacceptable: Task I

This is Part 1 of a 6 Part Series on the Tasks of Mourning by J. William Worden. But don't worry, this doesn't mean YOU have to do more work. I believe that your psychological immune system is already hard at work doing these tasks without your help. (Disclaimer: That is not how Dr. Worden presents them, it's how I think of them!!).Task I: Accepting the Reality of the Loss

It seems straight forward, right? You know he's dead or you were with her when she died. But even when it happens and you witness it with your own eyes, there is this weird feeling like it didn't happen. That truth that he or she actually died is so shocking to our system that our psyche has a hard time making it real.

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You Will Never Get Over It

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That resonates doesn't it? Yet, we've been told to move on and to get over it and worst of all "get closure" (as if that was a thing). We've been fed lies. And in our vulnerable and hurt state, believed them. But, I'm going to tell you the truth. You Will Never Get Over It. The reason this resonates with you is because truth resonates.

Now, let me tell you why you will never get over it. It’s because you are not a computer with a freaking delete key, that's why. But, let's take it deeper than that, how can you ever get over having a mother or father? How can you move on from having a child or a spouse or a brother or sister? You can’t. It doesn’t even make any sense. Our relationships make us who we are and when they die, they don’t take that part of us with them (Hedke & Winslade, 2004).

Permission to Cry

I often hear people qualify their days after experiencing a death or other loss as good or bad based on whether or not they cried with the crying days being the "bad" ones. I don't look at it that way. I see crying a good and positive thing and a healthy person's response to emotional pain as well as a necessary part of the grieving process*.